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Today I tackle the horrific menace to intimate connection called Small Talk. You can use deep, open ended questions (like mine here) to move your relationship to the next level. Small talk leads to the most boring conversations in the world. I'll spare you the agony of the other side of the conversation, because it's equivalently unbearable: "I saw we don't have carrots. Even if you're married, there is always a next level, as Woody Allen said. It has to constantly move forward or it dies." Here are some examples, one for you singles, and one for you marrieds, about how to use self-disclosure and deeper-level questions to start or restart your connection.

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There’s no need to learn poems or lines to make sure you have something suitable to say, but you do need to go into your date with a positive attitude.

You might think that small talk is superficial and meaningless, but don’t be too harsh in your judgement: it can play in important role in human relations on a daily basis, and it’s a great way of getting to know people the first time you met them - unless you think that Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams is a better subject for a first discussion than what was on TV on Saturday night.

It sometimes pays to take the easy option, and, if everything works out, you’ll have plenty of time later for deep and meaningful discussion.

It's your favorite day of the week: any day when I regale you with my thoughts about how to improve your ability to connect to other people. You don't want to get stuck in the present constantly. "The first hot dog I ever ate was with my dad at a baseball game"= interesting. SG and AW end up making plans for another date, if you were curious.) Now let's look at a married couple: Mark (why do I always call my random guy Mark?

And luckily for you, that's nearly every day here on this blog. "I want to make you a hot dog for breakfast tomorrow at my place" = creepy. So, how can you use this idea to jump-start your desiccating intimate connection?




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Your new date might not dress as well, or have taken you to a place you hate, but he’s new. Comparing a practical stranger to your ex is just straight up unfair. What you had with your ex will never be duplicated. It's all about balance; make dating a priority, but also make yourself a priority.


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